Mike and Ploy

Ever since I was little, I remember the sensational feeling taking over  me when the whole house filled with aromatics from my mother’s homemade stocks and sauces. It was a feeling that still lingers with me today – when I sink my teeth into a decadent piece of pastry or a savory bite of perfectly seared tuna. It’s this overflow of happiness that overcomes me and puts a smile on my face (and in my heart).

This is my obsession with food – I know, I know, many people would associate the word “obsession” as a bad thing (in some circumstances, it very well can be) but this so-called obsession of mine plays a great deal in my everyday life. It helps me connect with people – and in many times, keeps me sane!

I consider myself an absolute “foodie” but not a “foodie-snob” per say. I have a personal motto of trying everything at least three (3) times before I make a final decision (even so, I will eat it over and over again if it was served to me). Not that it isn’t obvious, but I would plan my whole vacation around food – even when my friends are visiting, my whole agenda is always packed with food in the forecast.

You can blame it on my upbringing if you need a reason – our families gathered to share meals, my elders bonded over sharing recipes, generations of knowledge sharing the same interest on which spice is best to be used in a curry sauce… However, there is something more to food than most people realize.

Food is reliable – that’s right folks, I’ll say it again… FOOD IS RELIABLE. What I mean is that food will never make you sad. When I’m down about something in my life – whether it be school, work, relationships, whatever life deals my way – the right food can always make me smile. Food doesn’t hurt your feelings, it doesn’t desert you in the middle of a conversation, it never puts you down or mocks you. Food doesn’t step on you when you’re already down and it sure doesn’t make you cry (at least intentionally).

In the last few years, I’ve also learned that cooking food (not only eating it) has given  me an outlet for something more “productive” (for a lack of better words) than holding my feelings captive. The sensation of creating something extraordinary from a combination of natural miracles puts a grin on my face. The process of experimentation and self-development is almost therapeutic to the soul. It’s given me a whole new perspective on the term “soul food” and how much my life is impacted by what I put into my mouth.

Some people might think food is just a meal to keep us from starvation, others think food is a waste that humans take for granted… yet, food can be so much more than just a “tool” or “resource” for human consumption. It can heal in more ways than just the physical – for both those who create it and for those who receive it as a gift.

It’s frustrating when you think about all the things that could have been in your life. At times you wish that you could be a different person, someone else, somewhere else altogether. At other moments, you can relax and be grateful for all that you have and what has been given to you as a gift. Yet, still in moments of deep thought you are left to wonder what might be the purpose of what goes on in your life – why you have to deal with issues that are redundant and never-ending, why you must face the things you don’t want to face, and why on earth are you persuaded to be somewhere that just makes frustrated over and over again?

I guess the answer isn’t easily found, for if it was, most people would probably be free from the feelings and thoughts I am failing to explain in this one-dimensional page we call a “blog.” It’s far more interesting to ignore the problems you face and to look at the same problems from an outsider’s perspective when it happens to someone else. Yet, how is that any good to yourself?

Sometimes, the answer to your problem can only be envisioned by you and everyone else may deem you crazy. Other times, the answer is one that everyone else sees and you refuse to except. No matter the question, or the answer for that matter of fact, you may find yourself lost in a world that revolves into the same thing over and over again. Day after day, nothing seems to change, and one day you find yourself sitting in front of a computer not knowing where to go next.

It’s kind of pathetic if you think about it. The way you have to fully except that nothing is actually in your own hands – although everything you do is a “choice” that can lead to consequences, who actually knows what those consequences are until they happen? What signs do we actually get about how to live this so-called existence of a life? But most importantly, what madness drives us to do what we do? What are our reasons, what are we called into, what are we envisioning as we take a leap of faith?

Just something to contemplate over before the new dawn breaks. Maybe the choices we make seal our fate into something we can’t control – but is it fair to render ourselves responsible for something that we have no control over the outcome? No control over what others may do? For even though we can chose reactions for ourselves, we cannot predict or control the actions of those around us. We cannot count on their thoughts to be similar to our, we cannot rely on their feelings to experience our happiness or pain, we cannot contemplate the actions their choices will lead to.

The conclusion to this conundrum is not set in stone, and probably will never be. The only thing we can wish for is to be the most that we can be for what we believe in. Be something we are happy to face in the mirror everyday – because if you can’t wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, who will be able to do it for you?!

One month from now will mark the 3-year date for the start of my Northern California journey – which officially started at Stanford on Pearl’s Birthday (August 10, 2007), if you don’t count the weekend trips to scope out living situations, interviews, etc. It’s quite amazing how fast the time flies – I’ve come from living in a 1-room in-law, to renting a house, to moving back into a 2-room in-law!

I’ve also realized that, with my bumbling brain trying to find vast ways of escape, blogging would be a very healthy remedy for the time being (on top of getting my thoughts across to my newest “housemate” that happens to be the mister in my life)!

In any case, for those who have been out of the loop for a while, after working at Stanford for a year, I moved to UCSF for 6 months, laid-off for 6 months, got proposed to somewhere in between all that nonsense, got married 6 months later, and started working at Alma Heights Christian (and have now been at it for 1 year)!!! Not to mention, hubby getting a new job in the middle of it all, moving a couple of times (getting family moved up here), health issues, and still trying to keep sane in my marriage – which has lasted 1 year, 3.25 months and counting… Oh, did I mention, I’m doing my MA at the same time and trying to pick up new hobbies while volunteering, trying to connect with old friends (all while making new ones), and trying to spend time with our church folks?!

Okay… no wonder I’m slightly delusional!! Yet, overall, I’m finally content (kind of… getting there) and feels like I’m being “placed” where I belong (again, still getting there). I have to admit that it’s hard at times to be displaced from somewhere you considered “home” your whole life, leave friends and family behind, and start over again. Yes, yes… many of you may think it’s been three whole years almost, so get over it… but three years is nothing compared the realities of your whole life (just think of your college years, or high school years… doesn’t seem all that significant in terms of time does it?)…

I guess the funny part of it all is the realization that everything changes, and with it, we all change to some degree as well…